Color Me Bleached
by Mochilicious
Summary: Collection of drabbles and such. Involves various Bleach characters with various ideas. Ranges from humor to angst to romance. Updated: 08. The Wrong One. In which Ichigo finds himself in an awkward situation with the wrong Kuchiki.
1. Capacity

**Author's note & Introduction**: This is just my collection of little drabbles and short fics. They usually won't have anything to do with each other, and will involve random pairings and ideas. May be AU. May be OOC, but I try my best. I get these from various places, generators, prompts, stuff in my life, chapters/episodes I've recently read or watched, etc. So enjoy!

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_**Title:**_ Capacity  
**_Characters:_** Ulquiorra & Nemu  
**_Summary:_** Nemu has learned a thing or two from her captain about frightening people into submission...  
**_Inspired by:_** Random generator with characters & phrase: Volleyball  
**_A/N: _**Hopefully not too OOC. It's a little AU because obviously, Ulquiorra is (maybe) dead and would not be playing volleyball. But hey, we can pretend :)

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The volleyball bounces and rolls down the hill, away from the makeshift court behind the Twelfth Division barracks.

"Ulquiorra-san, I am positive that you are physically capable of better performance." Nemu grabs the spare ball and lets it rest on her hip while walking toward the net and staring at the deformed Arrancar.

Ulquiorra looks up at the girl from his place on the ground. He gets up, shaking out his shriveled left side. The Shinigami spared him when they swept through Hueco Mundo, but he never fully healed. "Don't be a fool, girl. You are clearly mistaken." He gestures with his right hand to his left side. "As you can see, this _is_ my fullest ability." A blatant lie. Even in this state, Ulquiorra is perfectly capable of fighting, not to mention playing volleyball. After all, he hadn't been given the rank of Fourth Espada for nothing. But nowadays, he simply feels uninterested and would much rather be alone than with the Shinigami. But _she_ is interesting, he grants her that, which is why he's still here.

Unfazed, Nemu crosses her arms. She sees right through him. "Really, Ulquiorra-san? Would you like me…to fix that for you? I'll be quick. Or perhaps I may bring you to Mayuri-sama. I'm sure he will do an even better job." She raises her right hand and points it at him. A seemingly harmless gesture, but Ulquiorra knows—he's seen—that arm become a number of not-so-harmless things. A drill, for one. He's never experienced these things himself, and he wants to keep it that way. And he certainly does not want to end up as Kurotsuchi Mayuri's lab rat.

Ulquiorra gulps, his throat dry. "No, that won't be necessary. I'll…do my best." And he gets into position to receive Nemu's serve.

She smiles. "Good."


	2. Divination and Potheads

Woot, second one today. Now it's bedtime.

**__****Title:** Divination and Potheads**  
****_Characters:_** Yachiru, Ikkaku, and Ichigo**  
****_Summary:_** Yachiru gets some new ideas from the Human World...**  
****_Inspired by:_** Popped up in the shower :)**  
****_A/N: _**:D Just a little something fun. Oh, and feel free to give me ideas. You never know, I might just run out.

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Yachiru is mumbling to herself as she perches on Ikkaku's shoulders, examing his head with her hands.

Jab. "Oh Baldy! Look, I see a lollipop! That means…that you're gonna buy me lotsa candy later!" Then she goes back to examining. Ikkaku lip twitches.

Jab. "Baldy Baldy Baldy! I found a flower! Hmm…" Yachiru scratches her head in thought. "Aha! That means your first baby is gonna be a girl...with pink hair! Just like me!" A vein starts throbbing in Ikkaku's head.

Yachiru goes back to searching, this time for a few minutes. Then she gasps and gives him an _extra _hard jab.

"Oh no, Baldy, I see a black dog, oh no, oh no, oh _no_!" She swings around and stares him in the eyes. "Y'know what that means? It means you're gonna die!"

Ikkaku turns an even deeper shade of red, and then he explodes. Spittle comes flying out and Yachiru goes soaring off of him.

"DAMMIT ICHIGO YOU BASTARD!_ I TOLD YOU_ NOT TO GIVE HER ANYMORE OF YOUR _DAMN_ HENRY POTHEAD THE MAGICIAN MOVIES TO WATCH!"

By this time, Ichigo is doubled over in laughter. He can barely breathe. "It's—Harry—_Potter_," he gasps, eyes tearing up. "Not—pothead."

Yachiru jumps over his shoulder happily. "And Alby Dummelders too!"


	3. The Veterinarian

**__****Title:** The Veterinarian**  
****_Characters:_** Soi-fon and Wonderweiss**  
****_Summary:_** Soi-fon's on babysitting duty...**  
****_Inspired by:_** Random generator again: Break**  
****_A/N: _**:D

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"Waaaaargh…"

Soi-fon continues to sign papers calmly.

"Ahh-ooh!"

Her grip on the pen tightens, and her left eyebrow twitches slightly.

"Ah-oooh!"

She whips around to face the Arrancar with a dangerous glare, her two wrapped braids flying as she does. Wonderweiss stares back at her, unfazed, as he proceeds to roll over on the ground, or at least as much as he can while attached to the wall with a chain.

"What?" Soi-fon is not amused. Although she's the Second Division captain and commander of the Covert Ops, she still doesn't understand why _she_ has to be the one to guard this…_thing_. Yamamoto could have just as easily locked him up. "What do you want? Stop wasting my time."

Wonderweiss chomps down on an unsuspecting spider. "Ar-oogh!" He painfully nudges his forehead at his right arm, which sticks out at a strange angle. It's obviously broken, and Soi-fon knows it; she just hasn't received orders to fix it up. Not a problem for her, of course. Up until now she's been determined to let the…thing suffer for all the trouble he's caused. Wonderweiss looks at her imploringly with his huge eyes. Her mouth twists into a disturbed frown as she realizes that he's actually pouting.

"Wraah?" The pout intensifies and Soi-fon twitches again. A few agonizing seconds pass as Soi-fon attempts to stare him down, but Wonderweiss just tilts his head, almost sadly. Soi-fon throws her hands up in defeat.

"Alright, alright, creature. I'll go get the bandages." She gets up and stomps away while Wonderweiss purrs happily.


	4. Mismatched

**__****Title:** Mismatched**  
****_Characters:_** Rukia, Hitsugaya, Chappy**  
****_Summary:_** Hitsugaya gets back from a mission to find a little surprise waiting for him...**  
****_Inspired by:_** Request from StarPrincess999 :D**  
****_A/N: _**-

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Hitsugaya blinks. His scowl turns into a deep frown and his eyes narrow. "Kuchiki."

"Yes?"

"What. The hell. Is _that_?"

Rukia follows his line of vision. Hitsugaya—or rather, his gigai—is wearing a pink polka-dotted dress complete with frills and pom-poms. On his feet are yellow sneakers and mismatched blue and purple socks. His usually white hair is half pink, half blonde, with ribbons, and to top it all off, he's passing out lollipops to giggling toddlers while wearing a stupid grin on his face.

"Oooh! That's Chappy! I just got us a new container." Rukia takes out a candy dispenser to show him. "Isn't she delightful?"

"…_Delightful?_"

Rukia nods gleefully. Hitsugaya-Chappy spots the two of them and skips over. "To-To!" Hitsugaya balks at this new nickname. "Would you like a caaaan-dy?" He waves a handful of lollipops in front of Hitsugaya's face.

Hitsugaya grabs the candy and throws it behind him on the floor. "No!" He returns to his gigai, glaring down at himself with digust before turning to an amused Rukia. "I am going to clean up and we're going to buy food since Matsumoto finished all of it yesterday." He reaches into the pocket of his jeans under the dress to get the money allotted to him for their mission, only to find that his pocket is empty. "Kuchiki."

"Yes."

"Do you have any idea where the money is?"

Rukia taps her chin and looks around. Her gaze falls upon the scattered lollipops on the floor, and she points at them. "There it is."


	5. Go Out in Style

Sorry for not updating in such a long time! But here's some Vizard love, and I'll be doing more Vizard stuff soon. Feel free to keep giving me prompts!

**__****Title:** Go Out in Style  
**_Characters:_** Love and Rose  
******_Summary:_** Love finds himself a new source of entertainment.  
**_Inspired by:_** Just thinking of how the Vizards probably adjusted to the real world.  
******_A/N: _**:D

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Rose throws his zanpakuto down and shakes his head. "This won't do," he says with a sad shake of his head.

Love looks at him confused. "What?"

"There's no music!"

Love blinks. He doesn't get it.

"We're training, and there's nothing to listen to," Rose tells him, spreading his arms. "_That's_ the problem—ouch!" He grabs his forehead, where Love has just slapped him. "What?"

"Stupid! We're training, not relaxing. You can listen to music some other time."

Nevertheless, Rose comes back to the hideout that afternoon with a huge grin plastered on his face. He's clutching a square package to his chest. "Oh Luuuhve!" Love looks up from behind the couch, where he's looking over Lisa's shoulder at her manga. "Guess what I've got!"

Love rolls his eyes. He knows it's going to be something stupid. Rose tears the paper off the package and holds up the item inside.

"It's a limited edition Beatles album! The _only_ one in the store!" He beams happily. "Now, Love, we may train—," he poses for dramatic effect, "—in style!"

That evening, Love finally agrees to train with Rose again. Yellow Submarine is playing in the background, and as distracting as it is, it only takes six minutes for Love to beat Rose to the ground, where he lays sprawling, unmoving.

"Oi."

No movement. Love raises an eyebrow.

"H-hey Rose, get up," he says. "That's not funny."

"Wow…" Rose's voice is muffled. He looks up. "Didja hear that?" His voice is filled with awe. "The song finished right as I hit the ground. Wow…"

Love sighs and rubs his temples with two fingers as the next song begins to play.


	6. Pimples

******__****Title:** Pimples******  
****_Characters:_** Kenpachi, Unohana******  
****_Summary:_** Even the great Zaraki Kenpachi can be beaten.******  
****_Inspired by:_** StarPrincess999! Thanks for always reading and reviewing!******  
****_A/N: _**I dunno why it's pimples...But I do think these two are cute.

**

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**

"What the _hell_ is this?" Kenpachi glares at himself in the mirror. Or rather, he glares at the small mound growing on his left cheek. He puts a hand up to touch it gingerly, just in case it might be full of magic or some other stupid stuff.

"Goddammit," Kenpachi growls. "Yumichika!"

Yumichika appears in the doorway within seconds. One does not want to piss off an already-pissed Kenpachi. "Yes, sir?"

Kenpachi points a scarred finger at the protrusion on his face. "Tell me what this little bastard is. You ought to know, eh?"

Yumichika looks once and bites his lip to hold back his laughter. "That…is a pimple."

Yachiru pops up behind Kenpachi, giggling and singing. "Ken-chan has a pimple! A pimple!" She runs off through the barracks, still belting out "a pimple!" in her childish voice.

"Tch, I don't care. I want it off. Now."

Yumichika shrugs, scratching his head. "Sorry, Captain, can't help you there. I've never had to deal with one myself. After all, my skin is perfect." He scoots out before Kenpachi can say anything else.

A few days later, the pimple is a little bigger. Kenpachi decides he has to do something about it himself. He can't let it blemish his perfectly-battle-scarred face. So finally, he takes out his zanpakutou and cuts off the white bump. He looks in the mirror with satisfaction.

The next day, the disgusting little thing is back, and even bigger than before. Kenpachi glares and glares, but it just won't leave him alone, so he takes his zanpakutou again and carves it out. This time he makes sure to cut a little deeper so he won't leave anything behind. Now he's certain it's gone.

And again he is wrong. In a week, the thing has grown back. Even worse, there are now two, one for each cheek. Kenpachi grinds his teeth in frustration. There is no way a little pimple can beat the great Zaraki Kenpachi. Not even if there are two of them.

Unfortunately for him, the pimples keep growing. And growing. And growing.

One day, Fourth Division Captain Retsu Unohana appears in the doorway of Kenpachi's office, where the man is lying on the floor, a scowl on his face.

"Captain Zaraki, I hear you have a situation." Her voice is as neutral as ever, and Kenpachi hates that.

"Feh, and where'd you hear that from?"

"I do not think that is necessary knowledge." Outside the room, Yumichika tiptoes away. "But I do have something for you." She holds out the pimple cream to Kenpachi, who looks at her and stands up lazily.

"What's this shit?" He reads the label. "Pimple cream? Tha' hell is that? I don't need your damn kidou remedies."

Unohana's smile widens just a teensy bit. "Captain Zaraki, this is no kidou. It is simply medicine. You will not find any tricks hidden in it. Just apply it to the pimples, and I believe that you will find it very useful." Kenpachi opens his mouth to protest, but she looks at him again. "You will find it very useful." Her voice is dangerously calm.

"Tch, whatever," Kenpachi grumbles, and Unohana, taking his words as thanks, turns and walks away.

Kenpachi waits a couple days before applying the cream. To his amazement and dismay, the pimples are gone two days later. He looks in the mirror at the two small freckles where the pimples once were and smirks.

"Damn that woman."


	7. Beautiful Blond

******__****Title:** Beautiful Blond**  
****_Characters:_ **Shinji, Lisa, Mashiro******  
********_Summary:_** Shinji takes a daring step to defend his masculinity.******  
****_Inspired by:_ **Like Rose's, I'm just thinking of how the Vizards might've adjusted to the human world.**********  
********_A/N: _**Another take on Shinji's haircut.

* * *

"Oh Shin-ji!" Shinji whips around and swerves to his left just in time to dodge a pair of sharp scissors.

"Tha' hell, Mashiro?" He's fingering his long blonde hair protectively, frowning down at the younger girl, who sticks her tongue out playfully at him and threatens him with a few snips of the scissors. "That was the second time today. Put 'em down or I'll hafta get Kensei to make ya."

Mashiro pouts and points to Lisa, who's sitting behind them, immersed in another one of her mangas. "She made me!"

Lisa stands with a slight knowing smile. "You know you'll have to do it sometime. You look like a woman, and an unfashionable one at that," she says. Then she walks calmly out of the room with Mashiro bouncing along right behind her.

The next day, Shinji goes to the department store to pick out a new shirt; his old one's been burned through by Mashiro's mini-stove fire the night before. He's trying to decide between a brown button-up and a black sweater when he feels a tap on his shoulder. It's a woman holding a bottle of some sort, looking frighteningly eager.

"Hello ma'am. I was walking in and I couldn't help but notice your fine hair. Would you mind being a model for our product?" She hands Shinji the plastic bottle.

He reads the label aloud. "Shiseido shampoo fer…women?" Glances back at the woman in disbelief. _Oh no she didn't._

The woman waits patiently. "Ma'am?"

"No. Thank. You." Shinji grits his teeth, hands the shampoo bottle back to her as calmly as he can, and leaves the store without purchasing either shirt.

When he arrives back at the hideout, he's determined. "Mashiro! Lisa!" He calls. When they come running, he tells them to bring the scissors. "Let's get that haircut done," he announces. They stare at him, gaping. He snarls, "Stop starin' and jus' do it. And make it look good."

The girls still don't believe him but are glad to follow through.

Shinji watches in the mirror as his long locks fall away, muttering under his breath all the while. "Damn you, woman, I'm a man. _A man!_ I don't do no _women's_ shampoo commercials."

Lisa pauses, scissors lifted although Mashiro continues to snip away happily. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing, it was nothin'," Shinji says, waving for her to keep cutting. Lisa smiles contently.


	8. The Wrong One

******__****Title:** The Wrong One******  
****_Characters:_** Ichigo, Byakuya, Yoruichi******  
****_Summary:_** In which Ichigo finds himself in an awkward situation with the wrong Kuchiki.******  
****_Inspired by:_** A meme prompt xD******  
****_A/N: _**Poor Ichigo.

**

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**

Ichigo receives a small slip of paper in his mailbox one day. "_A date with Kuchiki. 8PM Saturday at the Red Bean Café,_" it reads. And at the bottom in small scribbles, "_Dress nicely!_" Ichigo's mouth falls open in shock and his heart skips a beat. He cannot believe this is for real and does not even bother to think further than the surface.

Kuchiki Byakuya receives a hell butterfly with a simple message. "_A meeting with Kurosaki, 8PM, Red Bean Café, Karakura Town._" He barely lifts his head to look at it. Well, he figures, he will do it if it is part of his duty.

On Saturday, Ichigo hurries home hastily from the grocery store where he works. He rushes around his room, trying to dredge up some sort of presentable outfit, an admirable feat considering he hasn't been "out" in a good two years now. He curses as he stomps across the hall to his father's room, where he steals a tie from the closet despite his father's childish complaints.

At 7:55 PM, Ichigo stares at himself in the bathroom mirror and twitches the knot in his tie one last time before he leaves the house, nervous and fidgeting. He fingers the buttons on his shirtsleeves the whole way to the café, where he spends a whole three minutes at the door, pacing and muttering to himself.

Finally mustering up his courage, Ichigo pushes open the clean glass doors and steps inside, and finds himself facing a single table with roses resting around a candle in the middle. _Very romantic_, thinks Ichigo. Then he raises his eyes to the face of the person waiting and his jaw drops. Very romantic, except the only problem is, Kuchiki Byakuya is sitting in one of the two chairs.

"…"

Ichigo's eye twitches in disbelief, and after a few agonizing seconds, he runs out of the café, screaming in frustration, "Go_dam_mit, this is the wrong Kuchiki!"

On the other side of the glass, Yoruichi rolls to the ground, gasping with laughter.


End file.
